Your College’s COVID-19 Discover – Above the LawAbove the Legislation

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Covid-19 vaccination record card with syringe and vialPricey LPB College Colleagues,

We want you and yours a really comfortable New Yr. We all know you’re desperate to get again to the conventional that 2022 will carry us.

We have now been ACTIVELY MONITORING the state of affairs with Omicron. We have now been CAREFULLY CONSIDERING what to do, or fairly, pressure you all to do, with respect to making sure that we meet our obligations to teach our college students, and pay the soccer coach.

We HAVE FOUND some statistics, and it seems that, for those who Google, you’ll see that Omicron accounts for lots of the circumstances of COVID-19 in the US and overseas. Whereas our search of WebMD means that COVID-19 Omicron is much less extreme than Delta, we imagine it’s nonetheless of great concern as a result of it might unfold very quick, besides within the bubble of administrative workplaces modeled after Howard Hughes’s chamber.


  • We ACCEPT that you could be be on-line the primary two weeks of the semester. We gained’t require it as a result of we’re afraid of our governor and the funds. Additionally, we gained’t allow you to do that after the primary two weeks. Your college students will probably be settled after which should change. Nevertheless, for those who select to not enable your college students the privilege of being within the classroom full time, you need to do that:
    1. Make it possible for each pupil is within the classroom no less than as soon as per week.
    2. Meaning you’ll seemingly be within the classroom 2-3 instances per week.
    3. Sure, meaning Hyflex — the evil half in particular person, half on-line demon of studying.
    4. We FEEL this could alleviate your considerations about being within the classroom.
  • You is probably not on-line after the primary two weeks. We BELIEVE that everybody must be on campus. In any other case, we should lay individuals off. Subsequently, you should be in-person after the primary two weeks.
  • We FEEL that a few of you could apply for an lodging. There’s a massive backlog in HR. Hopefully we’ll get to yours by the Fall Semester of 2024.
  • If we’re knowledgeable that you’re on-line after the primary two weeks, we’ll WRITE a really nasty letter to go in your HR file or simply hearth you, relying on how a lot the provost likes you.
  • If you’re in poor health, you could revert again to on-line. However not earlier than you’re in poor health. And don’t faux you’re in poor health: We WILL WANT a word out of your physician.
  • Workers should stay in particular person. Exception: Workers for provost will probably be on-line and distant (aside from Jane, who refuses to give up, and would be the designated stay particular person).
  • All conferences with the provost will probably be on-line.

After all, College administration HOPES our pointers have been useful.  However we can not do every thing. You will need to take some duty on your personal well being. No, this doesn’t imply you could be distant after the primary two weeks. No, it doesn’t imply you could compel college students to placed on masks. No, it doesn’t imply employees could violate professionalism by carrying a private plastic bubble. What we imply is that for those who get sick, YOU are responsible. We’ve been very ACTIVE. Have you ever?

Backside line: If you’re sick, isolate your self in order that you don’t improve campus statistics.

If you’re not sick, ensure to be on campus till you get sick.

We FEEL that collectively, we’ll get by this.  You might be at all times welcome, colleagues, to drop by the College administration workplaces. Our secretary Jane has a devoted laptop computer by which you’ll be able to Zoom with our provost, who will probably be at house.

We FEEL that these allowances, created utilizing a deterrence mannequin, will allow you to return to the conclusion that we’re actually actively there for you.

You’ll be able to inform we’re there for you due to all of the energetic verbs we’re utilizing in our messages.

Very actually yours,


LawProfBlawg is an nameless professor at a high 100 regulation faculty. You’ll be able to see extra of his musings right hereHe’s manner funnier on social media, he claims. Please observe him on Twitter (@lawprofblawg). E mail him at

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